American’s Peculiar Relationship to Toilet Paper
During the coronavirus, people all over the world reacted to it in ways that were normal to their upbringing and culture and possibly unique to others. In The Netherlands, thousands lined up in front of ‘coffeeshops’ to buy weed before hunkering down. In Spain, people stockpiled beans. In Italy, they purchased dry pasta and sauce. And in most Asian countries, rice was the big winner in the grab-as-much-as-you-can category. The Brits hoarded Dettol (an all-around disinfectant for body, clothing, and surfaces) and along with the Belgians’ beer. That is entirely understandable since Belgians make some of the best beer on the planet, IMHO.
The Germans and Austrians loaded up on tinned goods (especially sardines and wurst), as well as disinfectants. But the Americans, in a frenzy, didn’t go for relevant and essential provisions such as food. Instead, they stocked up and bought out all the toilet paper in the superstores and supermarkets.
That belies the question, what is the American obsession with their asses all about? We need to examine why this is and where from where this behavior stems. I mean, you can’t eat toilet paper in a crisis. Can you?
One of my theories for the gouging of toilet paper is that more than fifty percent of Americans are overweight, if not obese. And thus, they need more toilet paper to wipe themselves since they cannot reach their private parts easily, due to their substantial bulk. Heck, some people cannot even bend over to see where their anus is. So they use lots of paper, wasting it in the process.
Another theory is that few Americans learned how to wipe themselves to rid effluent properly. No seriously. Think back to your childhood. Did your parents teach you? Or did you just learn it from a grandparent, older sibling, nanny, or not at all? In Europe, where my son was born and where I lived for over twenty years, I potty trained him in coordination with the pre-school daycare teachers. We taught him how to fold the paper and wipe his tush from the front to the back to keep clean, followed by washing his hands. We also didn’t use unnecessary amounts of paper. The numbers were well, rationale. Not more than four sheets per dump, even less as a little person.
I believe since toilet paper in Europe is mostly recycled and a bit rougher to the skin, they buy less of it. In contrast, most Americans have little to no sense of environmental awareness or protection. That includes recycling, managing waste, using what is needed, and not in dizzying amounts. Toilet paper in America is exceptionally soft and much thinner than in Europe or Asia, which necessitates excessive usage.
Despite appearances or stereotypes about Americans’ being highly individualistic and wild west types, for the most part, they’re pretty much a docile group of numb consumers who fall into line at the commando of their leaders: corporate America. What is genuinely individualistic is the outrageous amount of selfishness.
Perhaps the real reason Americans went wild over toilet paper is that they think where they sit and just needed a brain drain?
