My Divorce Road Trip
I’ve been divorced more than once. While divorce, like death or losing a job can be one of the most severe experiences in life, nothing prepared me for divorce with a child in tow. My previous divorce was just a quiet affair between me and my former husband who had also been my business partner. Amicable and bland, we split on a shake-your-hand kind of friendly goodbye, went our separate ways and kept in touch every nine months or so. There was zero drama or emotional pull.
Severing the ties between myself and my son’s father appeared to be impossible. It was another ball of wax and I wasn’t the least prepared, on so many levels. At the time I perceived the divorce and our dwindling relationship with rose-colored lenses; just as I had throughout my marriage even as it was failing. I convinced myself it would get better and I’d have a marvelous friendship with my son’s dad. I kept up appearances and tried not to rock the boat in front of my son, all the while suffering injustices and swallowing them down into somewhere intangible. I was in double shock because my mother was dying at the same time.
I promised myself, as soon as the divorce was finalized and I had the documentation, I would take me, myself and I on a trip to a place I’d never been to celebrate my newfound freedom. The freedom I had denied myself for over a decade. I allowed myself to become emotionally dependent on someone else, and in recognizing this co-dependency gave away my precious liberty. With that, I lost my dignity and integrity and as a result, my human right to live a wholesome fabulous existence myself. I became a shadow, an empty shell. The divorce trip was, on some amygdalin level an acknowledgment of an inner knowing, the craving to be free again.
I’ve traversed several continents except the closest: Central & South America. That is why I chose Tulum, Mexico to celebrate my divorce. Criteria: release tension in a remote affordable place, unwind in a quiet, pure environment without the noise of daily life and totally disconnect from social media, phone and laptop. Unencumbered, simple, remote, and natural was what I was after. I found the perfect locale: Cesiak on the Maya Riviera — a gorgeous preserved wildlife refuge on a protected lagoon on one side with magnificent Caribbean ocean views on the other. Cesiak cabanas
I like adventure and the unexpected, so when I arrived at Tulum via a coach bus from Cancun airport little did I realize that the last leg of the journey would be like a trip to India. From Tulum city, you must pass through a gate to Sian Kaan, where Cesiak is located. The road is not paved since oil (tar) would leak into this sensitive protected wilderness area. What you get is a 3.5 km dusty potholed road that causes your stomach to jump into your mouth as your taxi driver unsuccessfully lurches his way to Cesiak. It took about a half-hour to traverse that semblance of a road.
Upon arrival to my upgraded girl scout tent, I felt like a nine-year-old, at sleep-away camp for the first time. I crashed on the bed crying out of relief and nervous excitement. To be on my own again anticipating an unknown future. To dream my own dreams alone in my sturdy tent. Held together by metal poles on thick wooden baseboards, the canvas was super strong, enough to withstand hurricanes and strong winds, which shook the zippered flaps wildly upon my arrival. June is the rainy season but I didn’t care. I sat for a good three hours in the semi-darkness meditating and thanking the Fates for bringing me safely to this haven.
There was no electricity in the tent. Instead, you use lanterns and candles. Bathrooms and showers are shared with the less than 25 other residents. The shower water is brackish and trickles out in a lazy fashion. There’s a common open-air dining area where one can eat three meals a day. Up the stairs from the dining room is a lovely adobe-style terrace overlooking the lagoon to one side and the Atlantic ocean on the other, for fresco dining, sipping wine and watching the sunset.
Address: Federal Road (307) Cancun-Tulum, #68 Tulum, Quintana Roo, Mexico. Tel: (52) 984–871–2499. Mailto: info@CESiaK.org (once COVID-19 is over and done with)
The people working at Cesiak, were what made the entire experience unforgettable. Mostly Mayan. I felt a deep respect and humility around those I encountered because everyone I met was sincerely warmhearted and personable. I learned a few Mayan words from Geronimo, the head waiter. I stayed for 7 days and 6 nights and only left the property twice. The food was delicious and inexpensive. Mayan cuisine and Mexican fusion served at the dining hall included locally caught fish accompanied by crushed pumpkin seed paste used as a dip for fish tortillas with deep-fried minced garlic in a syrupy savory sauce. Breakfast for me each morning was a simple mango and half a papaya.
Be prepared for a rock hard bed with plenty of pillows to cushion your derriere. Or better yet, get on the hammock on the porch and swing yourself to sleep.
Tours. I went on 2. Kayaking and a boat tour of the lagoon. It was a coincidence that I had the same tour guide both times. He was delightful, informative and animated. On the boat tour, we floated down the lagoon for a bit on life vests. When I queried, “what would happen if a crocodile came?”. The guide replied in all seriousness, “I’d protect you all and let you guys float first down the lagoon.” As if a croc would actually distinguish between Mr. Tarzan and us?
If you are a birdwatcher then this place is paradise. During the kayaking tour through the multi-colored mangroves, we saw green herons, egrets, turkey vultures, ospreys, white ibis, frigates and other species. One evening after 11 pm we witnessed a parade of sea turtles laying eggs on the shore. Our guide was careful not to disturb them so we adjusted our eyes to night vision.
Once we witnessed two sea turtles playing in the ocean during the day. Everyone was so excited, one of the guides got out his handy telescope for the guests to see them. If you arrive in December I’m told it’s a much more alive atmosphere, for the birds are not migrating away from Cesiak AND there’s no rain.
The best part of the tour was the last two nights. Two nights before I was heading out, a Mayan healer and masseuse I hired came to my tent for a luxurious two hours. The tension, nerves, and knots in my body (what was left) were removed. I had one of the best nights of sleep in years. The next day I transferred to a small hotel in Tulum city as the bus to the airport was scheduled at some ridiculously early hour, at 4 am, so I wanted to be on time. The depot was across from the hotel.
After settling into the hotel, I walked outside looking for a restaurant to feed my face. Someone was yelling my name and honking a car horn. I turned to the side to see the masseuse from the night before in a white vehicle double-parked and waving his hands wildly for me to jump in the vehicle. I did. He took me to an off the beaten track, read, no foreigners hole-in-the-wall for the best tacos I’ve ever had, where we sipped huge margaritas.
Not wishing to be late to bed, I said goodnight after he parked in front of the hotel. But no, that was not the end of that story. He insisted on taking me to the room (to make sure I was safe), uh-huh….. It was the first time I had made love to someone since the breakup with my former man, more than two and a half years. I thought I might’ve forgotten how to do it because let’s face it, I had never been with anyone else for the duration. All in all, it was 14 years since I held another man in my arms! I didn’t forget how to do it, I forgot what it was like to feel love, to feel emotionally connected to someone who was sensitive and showed it physically. This lover was so soft and slow and caressing and caring, I was in tears, longer than I would’ve liked. But he just washed my tears away and gently took a tissue to my eyes, holding my hand, never letting go the whole night long.
